Monday, December 3, 2007
The failure in Me
I think I've got it. I think I've found my closure for the year. It has been a long harsh year, and it has been so wonderful a journey that makes 2007 close to my heart, though at times, I just wished I didn't have to do so much, so that I can really reflect my actions. My actions for the past 12 years have seem to be non-conventional, weird, irritating, etc. This post is not about seeking redemption, because I am very sure I do not deserve any.
I don't think the word sociable suits me. I'm kinda the last few who are involved in everything. Like friendster, like facebook, like etc. Ah well, my goal for 2008 is to become more sociable. Or at least I hope so.
Suddenly, I've lost my momentum in writing, not that I've gain a lot anyway. It's so easy to lose gas. I shall just put in random scribbles.
Mistake 1: Arrogance
Mistake 2: Cold
Mistake 3: Talk at wrong times
Mistake 4: Not able to relax
Mistake 5: Difficult person to work with
Mistake 6: Keeps things alone, though it seems otherwise
I suppose these 6 mistakes are enough to kill me. I was at one time, attempting to mimic those leaders who were cold and rarely praise people, but when they do, that's exciting. I suppose with my mistakes, that really don't come out well.
6 more posts to come.
Zhong Ming
I don't think the word sociable suits me. I'm kinda the last few who are involved in everything. Like friendster, like facebook, like etc. Ah well, my goal for 2008 is to become more sociable. Or at least I hope so.
Suddenly, I've lost my momentum in writing, not that I've gain a lot anyway. It's so easy to lose gas. I shall just put in random scribbles.
Mistake 1: Arrogance
Mistake 2: Cold
Mistake 3: Talk at wrong times
Mistake 4: Not able to relax
Mistake 5: Difficult person to work with
Mistake 6: Keeps things alone, though it seems otherwise
I suppose these 6 mistakes are enough to kill me. I was at one time, attempting to mimic those leaders who were cold and rarely praise people, but when they do, that's exciting. I suppose with my mistakes, that really don't come out well.
6 more posts to come.
Zhong Ming
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Shaded paradigms
It really makes me wonder, how a simple experience can cause me to change so much. How it can cause me to change my view of several people. It is interesting to see how my perspective of a person changes over time. A couple of days ago, I was chatting about work performance of some people. Truth be told, the people that were discussed seemed to have an identical job performance, except their local environments were different. But all were slackers. And I brand them all differently. Amazing isn't it? To actually judge people differently. Won't brand people these days.
I want to change. So please help me!
Monday, November 26, 2007
Inflammatory words
I know I've made many enemies unknowingly. I suppose many people dislike me for being me: harsh, blunt, fake, etc. But I am not fake. I do not go around spreading rumors. Every word I say, I make sure it is true, at least for me. If people don't want to hear, then I am sorry, please leave.
I really have to say sorry to the people I've used Xs and Ys to represent you all. I realise that placing you as an anon won't serve any purpose. I used to think that by doing so, I could protect myself, but I am wrong. It doesn't help protecting me, but it delivers more pain. So from now on, any person there is, I won't use symbols to represent you.
This is my weakness. I need to change. There are so many things I am fed-up with myself, that I am not going to combine with this post. This is an appeal to anyone who bothers to read my blog, to actually drop me an email, or come up to tell me, how can I improve myself better.
I really have to say sorry to the people I've used Xs and Ys to represent you all. I realise that placing you as an anon won't serve any purpose. I used to think that by doing so, I could protect myself, but I am wrong. It doesn't help protecting me, but it delivers more pain. So from now on, any person there is, I won't use symbols to represent you.
This is my weakness. I need to change. There are so many things I am fed-up with myself, that I am not going to combine with this post. This is an appeal to anyone who bothers to read my blog, to actually drop me an email, or come up to tell me, how can I improve myself better.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Change of blogskin
I changed my blogskin, but it'll be temporary, until I find a new one.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Bad luck, as usual
Ah, the bad luck premonition syndrome kicks in, as usual, and today's target was my handphone and my reputation. Ahh, that stupid SBS bus. my phone slid down and i stepped on it. So what happens to an expensive mirror when it is stepped upon? Major scratches, duh. And then jang came to tell me about someone, someone who has always been telling lies. I gave up on that person. The whole class gave up on that person. And today morning, I've just given up hope on another person. The fakeness scares me. The moment the teacher enters the class, that person totally changed into some commander. Before that, that person was just using his/her com. Shall not mention names, shall not flame anyone, because I am reminded I have to 'look after' my reputation.
My reputation is nothing. I don't care whatever happens if I get punished. I care about what will other people linked to me will become. It irks me to carry so much responsibility, but it is too alluring. Council work is screwing all of us up, but I seem to be enjoying all this crap. As usual right?
NTU was quite bad. I hate going there nowadays. It takes one hour just to get home. And what do I get at the end of the day? Nothing.
I like german, because then few people understand me. It's like a small hole in which I can hide behind into. Some ask me why I learn german, looking back, I know why.
My reputation is nothing. I don't care whatever happens if I get punished. I care about what will other people linked to me will become. It irks me to carry so much responsibility, but it is too alluring. Council work is screwing all of us up, but I seem to be enjoying all this crap. As usual right?
NTU was quite bad. I hate going there nowadays. It takes one hour just to get home. And what do I get at the end of the day? Nothing.
I like german, because then few people understand me. It's like a small hole in which I can hide behind into. Some ask me why I learn german, looking back, I know why.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Closure needed
I need to find closure to the end of the academic year. I know my results will be part of this closure, but it's not everything, and I want to list down as many things I did this year.
Jan: Planned orientation.
Feb: Hwachong maths competition.
Mar: LDP project execution (: SL investiture
Apr: LDP presentation, the end. Start of NRP.
May: Sem 1 exams.
Jun: RGS symposium; Nanyang Girls symposium; NRP
Jul: Council Elections
Aug: Teachers' Day
Sep: German
Oct: O Levels; dialogue session with PM
Nov: Sem 2 Exams; Orientation planning; NRP, the end, soon.
I'm planning for my next posts.
Monday, November 5, 2007
I wonder
Caitlin said something this morning which left me thinking. I won't say too much here. It'll stay as a memo until december comes. So if you're interested to know, wait December.
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