Moonlit scribbles

It really makes me wonder, how a simple experience can cause me to change so much. How it can cause me to change my view of several people. It is interesting to see how my perspective of a person changes over time. A couple of days ago, I was chatting about work performance of some people. Truth be told, the people that were discussed seemed to have an identical job performance, except their local environments were different. But all were slackers. And I brand them all differently. Amazing isn't it? To actually judge people differently. Won't brand people these days.

I know I've made many enemies unknowingly. I suppose many people dislike me for being me: harsh, blunt, fake, etc. But I am not fake. I do not go around spreading rumors. Every word I say, I make sure it is true, at least for me. If people don't want to hear, then I am sorry, please leave.

I really have to say sorry to the people I've used Xs and Ys to represent you all. I realise that placing you as an anon won't serve any purpose. I used to think that by doing so, I could protect myself, but I am wrong. It doesn't help protecting me, but it delivers more pain. So from now on, any person there is, I won't use symbols to represent you.

This is my weakness. I need to change. There are so many things I am fed-up with myself, that I am not going to combine with this post. This is an appeal to anyone who bothers to read my blog, to actually drop me an email, or come up to tell me, how can I improve myself better.

I changed my blogskin, but it'll be temporary, until I find a new one.

Ah, the bad luck premonition syndrome kicks in, as usual, and today's target was my handphone and my reputation. Ahh, that stupid SBS bus. my phone slid down and i stepped on it. So what happens to an expensive mirror when it is stepped upon? Major scratches, duh. And then jang came to tell me about someone, someone who has always been telling lies. I gave up on that person. The whole class gave up on that person. And today morning, I've just given up hope on another person. The fakeness scares me. The moment the teacher enters the class, that person totally changed into some commander. Before that, that person was just using his/her com. Shall not mention names, shall not flame anyone, because I am reminded I have to 'look after' my reputation.

My reputation is nothing. I don't care whatever happens if I get punished. I care about what will other people linked to me will become. It irks me to carry so much responsibility, but it is too alluring. Council work is screwing all of us up, but I seem to be enjoying all this crap. As usual right?

NTU was quite bad. I hate going there nowadays. It takes one hour just to get home. And what do I get at the end of the day? Nothing.

I like german, because then few people understand me. It's like a small hole in which I can hide behind into. Some ask me why I learn german, looking back, I know why.

I need to find closure to the end of the academic year. I know my results will be part of this closure, but it's not everything, and I want to list down as many things I did this year.

 

Jan: Planned orientation.
Feb: Hwachong maths competition.
Mar: LDP project execution (: SL investiture
Apr: LDP presentation, the end. Start of NRP.
May: Sem 1 exams.
Jun: RGS symposium; Nanyang Girls symposium; NRP
Jul: Council Elections
Aug: Teachers' Day
Sep: German
Oct: O Levels; dialogue session with PM
Nov: Sem 2 Exams; Orientation planning; NRP, the end, soon.

 

I'm planning for my next posts.

Caitlin said something this morning which left me thinking. I won't say too much here. It'll stay as a memo until december comes. So if you're interested to know, wait December.